Yellow Mama E zine

Humanity 

by Cindy Roman

          Growing up on a farm, Frank’s maternal grandparents and his aunt and uncle’s family lived next door. They all worked the land. Like so many Italian-American families I knew growing up, closeness was a given.
          Throughout his childhood, Frank had a very contentious relationship with his Uncle Guy. Guy was not a man who enjoyed being questioned, second guessed, or disagreed with. Frank, even as a young child, was inquisitive and independent-thinking—not a good fit with Uncle Guy. 
          One of Frank’s earliest memories was being slapped—hard—by his uncle for pulling a plant root instead of the weed he was tasked to remove. He says he couldn’t have been more than five or six when this happened. When he began to cry, his uncle berated and mocked him for not being a man. Worse still, after Frank told his mother what happened, she defended her brother, saying:
         “You must have done something to deserve that.”
         Frank was destroyed. 
          As the middle son, Frank was different. His older brother, eight years his senior, was the farmer and grown. His younger brother, four years his junior, was the family’s baby. Frank stood out. He was outspoken — the musician and college-bound. These qualities served him well in life, but not with Uncle Guy, who preferred obedience and compliance.
          As much as Frank grew to dislike and even hate Uncle Guy, he loved his Aunt Tina, Guy’s wife. Over the years Tina grew close to Frank, even referring to him as her favorite nephew. 
          Lately, in his delusions, Frank has on several occasions seen me as his Aunt Tina. Why her? I don’t know. The first time I recall being a nervous wreck. The reason being that I didn’t want him to say anything bad about Uncle Guy to Aunt Tina to upset her. Then, of course, I remembered that I was Aunt Tina, so it didn’t matter but I waited and I listened. 
         While in a delusional state I assumed the worst from Frank. I feared he would open up with Aunt Tina about his Uncle Guy demons. I listened carefully, hoping he wouldn’t ask me a question that I could not answer. My palms sweat, waiting for the inevitable.
          Instead, he surprised me. He spoke kindly about him. He asked me (Aunt Tina):
          “How’s Uncle Guy? He sure did pay attention to detail.”
          Then he followed up with an anecdote about how fastidious Uncle Guy was with details. Something he never shared with me. Aunt Tina agreed and laughed along with him. It was a lovely, lovely moment.
           Frank is many wonderful things, but he can also be insensitive, unkind, and selfish. He knows it and doesn’t like himself for it. It’s something that makes him real to me. 
           In this moment of incredible generosity, I saw the real Frank. Even in a delusional state, I would have forgiven him for any behavior, but instead, he demonstrated grace. He spoke highly of this woman’s husband, a man who tormented his youth—not for himself, but for her. For that moment, the man he has hated became a beloved aunt’s husband, and Frank rose to the occasion. 


       Cindy Roman is the author of Who Am I?, a flash-memoir series that explores caregiving, shifting identity, and the quiet heartbreak of loving someone through Alzheimer’s. She publishes her work on Substack at cindyroman.substack.com.

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      Bernice Holtzman’s paintings and collages have appeared in shows at various venues in Manhattan, including the Back Fence in Greenwich Village, the Producer’s Club, the Black Door Gallery on W. 26th St., and one other place she can’t remember, but it was in a basement, and she was well received. She is the Assistant Art Director for Yellow Mama.