Yellow Mama E zine

A Glutton:

For Punishment

 

by

 

J. M. Taylor

 

 

       I fought nausea. Four pounds of porterhouse chokes the gullet, especially without an A1 lube job. The shrimp’s cocktail sauce helped, but that tater and roll? Pure dry spite.

       I gnashed the meat, mechanically processing ragged bovine chunks while hacking morsels off the carcass with a knife duller than a butter spread. That helped O’Reilly’s one-hour clock chew the seconds. Failure meant I hung on the meat hook for $75. Small potatoes. I wouldn’t fail, and he’d be out more than a steak dinner.

       It seemed odd I had no bros cheering me on. But past the 3/4 mark, crowds gathered. O’Reilly beamed with a pride that I’d later shove down his throat, garnished with wilted salad.

       Competitive eating is literally tasteless, just furious mastication. Meat strings caught in my teeth, flecks of spittle misted the table. My oversized pants popped open. I had everyone’s attention.

       I watched O’Reilly’s mixed emotions through a fug of gastric juices. My winning or losing the challenge brought him equal notoriety.

       But fucking my wife? That’s the sin that brought my crew skulking into his kitchen while they all watched me chew his meat. They offloaded three fridges of beef, poisoned the rest, and poured cement over the grills and down the sinks.

       Best meal ever.

 

 

J. M. Taylor cooks up his sinister fantasies in Boston where he lives with his wife and son. He has appeared in Tough, Wildside Black Cat, and AHMM, among others. His books include Night of the Furies, from New Pulp Press, Dark Heat, from Genretarium, and No Score from Unnerving. When he’s not writing, he teaches under an assumed name. You can find him at jmtaylorcrimewriter.com and on Facebook at Night of the Furies.

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It's well known that an artist becomes more popular by dying, so our pal Steve Cartwright is typing his bio with one hand while pummeling his head with a frozen mackerel with the other. Stop, Steve! Death by mackerel is no way to go! He (Steve, not the mackerel) has a collection of spooky toons, Suddenly Halloween!, available at Amazon.com.    He's done art for several magazines, newspapers, websites, commercial and governmental clients, books, and scribbling - but mostly drooling - on tavern napkins. He also creates art pro bono for several animal rescue groups. He was awarded the 2004 James Award for his cover art for Champagne Shivers. He recently illustrated the Cimarron Review, Stories for Children, and Still Crazy magazine covers. Take a gander ( or a goose ) at his online gallery: www.angelfire.com/sc2/cartoonsbycartwright . And please hurry with your response - that mackerel's killin' your pal, Steve Cartwright.